Happiness

Forget Me Not

2011-09-28T22:27:00.002-04:00

This talk, given by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in General Relief Society Meeting this past weekend is very much in line with the general subject of this blog.

http://lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/forget-me-not?lang=eng

I tend to find myself challenged by the first and fourth suggestions. It is easy to forget some things when you are focused on others.

Jesus and the Rich Man

2011-05-01T23:08:00.000-04:00

Our lesson in Sunday school today was about the story of Jesus and the rich man, along with a few other like-themed parables. For convenience, here is the story:

And when he was gone forth into the way, there came one running, and kneeled to him, and asked him, Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?

And Jesus said unto him, Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God.

Thou knowest the commandments, Do not commit adultery, Do not kill, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Defraud not, Honour thy father and mother.

And he answered and said unto him, Master, all these have I observed from my youth.

Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me.

And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions. (Mark 10:17-22)

So, the obvious question is, "What does this mean for us?" It was taken for granted that it does not apply directly and literally. I agree that it does not, but was uncomfortable sweeping that possibility under the rug. I don't know whether it was because nobody has suggested it might apply to us before or whether we're all afraid it might apply to us, but it seemed to me a little like the 800 lb gorilla in the room.

The discussion turned toward a discussion of being "willing to give up" whatever riches or other opportunities or privileges we might have for the sake of the gospel. This was a rather unfulfilling answer to me.

It wasn't until the teacher had said last comment and picked on someone else that I had my epiphany. The problem is that we are looking at the problem from the perspective of the rich man. We want to ask for instruction and to be told what to do. We need to turn around and look at the problem from the perspective of the Master. He has already given us the instruction.

For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; (D&C 58:26-27)

Think of your brethren like unto yourselves, and be familiar with all and free with your substance, that they may be rich like unto you.

But before ye seek for riches, seek ye for the kingdom of God.

And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted. (Jacob 2:17-19 emphasis added)

To put it in my own words, we need to treat our resources not as something which we can make available for the Lord's work, if we are asked, but as means whereby we can (and hopefully do) accomplish his work. As disciples of Jesus Christ, we claim to follow him. If our pursuit of wealth is for any other reason than to serve him, can we truly say that we are his disciples?

I am resolving to do more with what I have.

I'm Thankful for Thanksgiving!

2010-11-24T23:15:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's the fact that I've had a really crazy week, month and year, but I find myself looking forward to tomorrow with unusual anticipation. I am approaching tomorrow as an opportunity to really celebrate what we have, and I feel very blessed to have everything that we need and much more.

Yes, I know that is the point of Thanksgiving, but I think this may be the first time I've actually started thinking about it that way. It has always been about being with family and having good food, and our gratitude was saved for the 5 minutes spent as we went around the table saying what we were grateful for.

I think I really just came to these thoughts as I was doing some preparation tonight. I considered whether or not to pull out the china. At first I decided to because, "it's a special occasion," but then, as I thought about it more, I realized that the beautiful things we have could easily become, for me, a symbol of the blessings we have been given. It's at that point that I started pulling out the best pieces of everything we have.

So, I guess you could say I've found the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Tomorrow, as we prepare and attempt to eat a week's worth of delicious food, I will pour out my heart in gratitude for my cup as overflowing as the table.

Being a Better Person

2010-10-31T14:42:00.000-04:00

One of the things I like about my church is that it makes me a better person. When I mentioned this to my wife, she said, "you're already a good person." Not being a member of my church, I think at least some of that comment from her is an opinion that I don't need the church. Having been a member my whole life, it is a little hard for me to speculate what I would be like without it. However, when the ultimate goal is to be like Christ, being what others perceive as a good person is not enough.

It would be easy for me, if I did not believe the way I do, to justify many of my - shall we say 'un-Christ-like' - behaviors by claiming they do not hurt anyone, or even that nobody would ever know. However, because I truly believe we are accountable to God for our thoughts, words and deeds, and also that I have been taught His will as being opposed to certain behaviors, I cannot justify myself with regard to those behaviors. I must try to do better.

I am grateful for these beliefs, as I want to be more like Christ. Without my faith in these principles and in the divinity of Christ himself, my reasons to stretch myself and try to be better would go away. I am already a good person. I am happy with my life. I do what I can to help those around me. The natural inclination is to say, "surely, this is good enough. Nobody is perfect," and leave it at that. However, I have been given the gift of a perfect standard which, although unattainable in this life, provides direction and motivation for going beyond good enough.

I was considering listing some of the areas where I trip up, which are incongruous with my goals of being more Christ-like. However, I fear that would be more distracting than helpful to readers. Let's just say I am nowhere near being worthy of comparing myself to Him. It takes daily effort to put these failings behind me and use the forgiveness available through His Atonement, and to look forward.

I will note one thing, which is I am inclined toward laziness, a fairly common human trait. When not combated with something to motivate me, I would slip into bad habits and vices even more than I do now - because they would be comfortable. It is uncomfortable to strive for daily change for the better. I would not do it without the motivation given by my faith.

This motivation to be better is something I cannot provide for myself. I need direction and reminders I get in church. I need the opportunity to serve. I need the encouragement I get from seeing the other members also trying to be better. I need my church. I need my Savior.

Safety for the Soul

2009-10-11T19:02:00.003-04:00

I really don't intend for this blog to be all about my religion. However, it is an important part of my life and has been a good guide to happiness in many ways.

The LDS church recently had General Conference which is broadcast worldwide from the headquarters in Salt Lake City, Utah. At the final session, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles used his time to testify of the Book of Mormon. As I listened to him speak, I thought it was the most powerful witness for the BoM that I have heard in modern times.

Safety for the Soul

Amen!

Always thinking...

2009-05-15T07:52:00.003-04:00

I can't help it, I'm always thinking. Often, I come up with ideas and think, "someone (or I) should do that." Usually, they are ideas far too big for me to realistically accomplish.

This time, despite my lack of time to work on something like this, the idea just won't leave me alone. So, I'm tentatively investigating the possibilities.

For this project, I am interested in networking with bloggers, photographers, videographers, and other such people, amateur or professional in Peabody, MA. I might extend the search out to the immediate surrounding communities, but for now, I'm focusing only on Peabody. Even if it is just a blog about your cat or kid.

If you are or know anyone or any sites like the above, please add a comment below with the information.

Thanks!

Experiment: Mom's Rolls

2008-11-27T13:22:00.004-05:00

So, one of the great things about Thanksgiving when we were growing up was that Mom would make the family roll recipe. We could never get enough. I think she made at least 4 dozen every year, and we were lucky to have leftovers for a few days after. They never lasted a week. She would make about 2/3 of them into standard dinner rolls, but the rest she would make into cinnamon knots. Mmm...

I don't know if she still makes them every year, but whenever she has a child home for Thanksgiving, or sometimes even Christmas or Easter, if we're lucky, she will make a big double batch.

Now, Rebecca's family doesn't really do home-made anything. So, if I want something home-made, it's up to me. Alas, I rarely have time for much of anything, so I depend heavily on mixes and pre-made stuff. For instance, I had recently purchased a loaf of frozen bread dough to keep on hand for when I decided it would be nice to have some freshly baked bread. On the back of the package it mentioned it could be used to make pizza crust or... rolls.

So, I'm trying an experiment. I have used the store-bought dough, but have used my mom's techniques in assembling the rolls. They are currently sitting out to rise.

If they produce anything comparable to Mom's Rolls, I will consider it a great success, as the time investment was about 30 minutes of prep. I will let you know how they turn out!

Experiment Results:

'Unbiased' opinion results indicate a strong success. These taste-testers have not been previously biased by tasting Mom's Rolls.

Biased (my) opinion results conclude that they are a very good option if you want Mom's Rolls, but don't have the time. They did not turn out as soft or flaky, and were obviously not Mom's Rolls. But they were still tasty. :-)

Theodorable!

2008-09-26T12:57:00.004-04:00

For those of you who don't know already, we have a new bundle of joy, Theodore (aka 'Our Potato'). We have set up his own blog at theodore.hains.net.

(I figured out how to get blogger to post the blog directly to our web site, so I may end up moving this blog there at some point, too...)

Why "Member Missionary Work" Fails

2008-08-17T13:40:00.004-04:00

As members of the LDS Church, we are frequently encouraged to be more actively engaged in "member missionary work." Interestingly, although "member referrals" are the largest source of converts for the church (yes, the church does track this - rather carefully, actually), and we have one of the largest missionary populations of any religion, we, as members, are still not very good at being missionaries in our daily lives.

The problem IMHO, it that there is a perceived conflict of interests between being a friend to someone and trying to proselytize to them. It is very difficult to, say, ask a friend if they want to listen to missionaries from the church without it coming off a little weird or forced. Depending on the relationship, some people might even take offense. Obviously, we want to avoid offending or even sounding weird to our friends. However, without such an invitation, a friend is not likely to ask if you wouldn't mind sending missionaries over to their house.

The church leaders have recognized this issue, and for many years have focused on encouraging members to 'prepare' your friends to hear the gospel. This is, exactly what needs to happen. Unfortunately, it can be very difficult to determine what you need to do to 'prepare' your friends for this type of thing. So, naturally, the church (as it has done with many other things) has prepared a curriculum, of sorts: a list of things you can do to prepare someone to hear the gospel, one of these tools is known as the 'set a date' program.

The merits of 'set a date' program and other lists of suggestions aside, I have never known this type of planned approach to be successful except anecdotally. The reason is because it does not address the issue BEHIND the perceived conflict of interest.

What is that issue, you ask? It is that it is extremely difficult to integrate a perceived 'normal' external appearance with our beliefs as members of the church. Our beliefs just don't 'fit in' to the regular hubbub of modern society - especially when you are speaking to people who are not members of the church.

I'm not talking about devotion or balance or anything about how we live as active members of the church. Most of us are very good at being religious in that sense. It's more about how we integrate the gospel into the fabric of our inter-personal relationships, about making our beliefs known to others, not because of any agenda we have to 'be an example' or 'share the gospel', but because it is an important part of who we are.

I started to recognize when I was in college, that I didn't really have any really close friends. Most of my friends were of other religions or no religion at all, and I did not have any daily contact with any other members. I realized that part of the reason I did not have any close friends was that because the gospel was such an important part of my life and my identity, and I treated it as something 'special' to be shared only in certain circumstances, that nobody really understood me well enough to be a truly close friend.

As I realized this, I made steps to correct it. It's not like I had been hiding my religious beliefs before. On the contrary, I would gladly talk to people about the church, and even made a lot of effort to give away a number of Books of Mormon. However, I started to approach my sharing of my beliefs not as a duty or as a missionary tool, but as a way to help people get to know me, and as a way to try to relate to the world and the beliefs of others.

By the end of my college years I had gained two very close friends. Both are not Mormon to this day. However, I was able to talk openly about the church with both of them and invited them to do a number of things that they would not have been likely to do otherwise, and which did not affect our relationship negatively in any way. On the contrary, it is because I was "spiritually intimate" (for lack of a better phrase) with them that we became so close. Inviting them to church or to read the Book of Mormon was just another part of our relationship.

Now, I'm not saying that we need to become best friends with people before we can invite them to listen to the missionaries or to church. What I'm saying is that if you create your relationships from the beginning on a foundation of openness about your own beliefs, it is much easier to open your mouth, when you suddenly feel prompted to say, "you know, I think you might enjoy coming to [such-and-such activity] with me," or "this reminds me of a scripture from the Book of Mormon where..." or "why don't you come to church with me Sunday?"

I often think of gospel parallels and insights when speaking to others that I often ignore. Even when speaking with other members, there is a tendency to filter out anything that might not be in-line with standard doctrine. It is important for all of us to learn to communicate openly about all of our beliefs. Often we have similar questions to those around us, and someone may be able to help us work out answers to those questions, or we can help someone through our insights. However, if we do not open our mouths and say what we think, feel and believe, we isolate ourselves a little more from those around us.

It's really more about being comfortable being a 'peculiar people.' We need to embrace our beliefs and have the courage to be a lone voice for anything we believe to be true.

Nirvana is Overrated

2008-07-08T22:13:00.002-04:00

Nirvana is supposedly the ultimate state of peace achieved by extinguishing all ones desires and passions.

I find that I am happiest and feel most fulfilled when I have worthwhile goals and projects that I am working on - things that I feel a passion for. There are a lot of little things, but lately, I've been able to work on preparing myself for a 'project' that I have wanted to do for a very long time - being a father.

I have never wanted to do anything as much as I have wanted to be a father. I can hardly express how excited I am. I know that there will be a lot of work and difficult challenges to deal with, but I'm looking forward to it all.

In a lot of ways I feel like I have been in a bit of a holding pattern for a few years, waiting for this part of my life to begin. I don't think I'm quite ready as far as the accumulation of the gear and other stuff goes. But I'm not really worried about that stuff. That's easy to fix.

I am looking forward to September (the due date - I know, it's just an estimate). I think it will be the best part of my life. Certainly not Nirvana - it'll be much better.

The Joys of Telecommuting

2008-05-13T23:14:00.001-04:00

I telecommute. I live in Massachusetts and work for a company based in Philadelphia. I actually started working for them when we lived there, and when I told them I was going to be moving they said they would allow me to work from home.

I LOVE working from home. I'm actually one of those people that gets more work done from home than I did when I went into the office. Far fewer distractions. One of the best things about working from home is that "home" can be anywhere. Last week I went to Pittsburgh with Rebecca, and didn't have to take any time off work. I worked from the hotel, then went out and explored Pittsburgh in the evenings and on the weekend.

Actually, the trip to Pittsburgh was doubly enjoyable because it was a business trip for Rebecca - she was attending a conference - and so most of our expenses were covered. We paid for my airfare, my food, and any additional shopping.

By the way, Pittsburgh is a beautiful city. It was clean, the people were friendly, and the weather cooperated nicely. For some reason, I had imagined it would be dirty and run down - maybe it's because I associated it with an ailing steel industry - it was not at all what I expected.

Back to telecommuting - one of the other things that I like about it is that I get to see Rebecca on the days that she doesn't have to go in to teach. We often get to have lunch together and chat during the day.

$3.78/gal for regular unleaded. 'Nuff said.

And then there's the time I gain from not having to spend it commuting.

And finally, there's the fact that we think we will be able to get away without having to get daycare for the potato next year, despite both of us having full-time jobs.

I LOVE telecommuting!

High Maintenance

2008-05-01T22:15:00.002-04:00

I love my wife dearly, but I am not blinded by that love. I recognize that she is "high maintenance." I probably indulge her a little too much. However, with her pregnancy, she has reached another level.

She has been getting very specific cravings: home made smoothies, grilled cheese sandwiches, plain chocolate shakes from Ben & Jerry's, etc.

Last week, as I was preparing for my business trip to Philadelphia, she said, "I have a ridiculous request." It was late at night, and I thought she might want another Ben & Jerry's shake. But no, she had just read my sister's post about water ice and decided she wanted Philadelphia style water ice.

We discussed whether it would even be possible to transport water ice from Philly to Boston via a 6 hour car ride, and eventually decided that it would probably work reasonably well if we put some ice packs in a cooler. So, I took those things with me to Philly.

Unfortunately, I didn't plan very well, and at quarter of ten the night before I planned to leave in the morning, I was reminded that the water ice stands would not be open until later in the day. I rushed out in hopes that they closed at 10 or later, but on Tuesdays, they closed at 9. Foiled!

However, I heard that there were a few water ice stands in Connecticut. I looked online, and found a stand just off an exit that was right on my way home!

So, Rebecca got her water ice. And it even stayed nearly completely frozen thanks to the ice packs.

As I started writing this, Becca asked, "Why do you like making me happy so much?" My response was, "Should I not?"

Our Potato

2008-04-16T21:28:00.005-04:00

Earlier on in Rebecca's pregnancy, all she wanted to eat was potatoes. So, I started referring to the baby-to-be as 'the Potato'.

So, here is one of the ultrasound pics of the Potato.

We also found out the baby's sex (or at least an 85% chance of the sex) - we will be having a boy! Which means we will never have to buy clothes, because a good friend of Rebecca's just had TRIPLET boys a year or so ago. However, it does mean that choosing a name will be slightly more difficult. We do not want anything plain like 'John,' or overly popular like 'Ethan' has been for the past couple of years. So, we have some thinking to do...

(We are in no way fishing for gifts here, as we are sure this baby will be well spoiled by the people that have already insisted upon getting things for him, but if you insist, Rebecca wanted me to say that we are not interested in overly gendered things, and plan to have many different colors besides blue. I would also add that we will very happily take used items. Reduce - Reuse - Recycle!)

Happiness

2008-04-13T22:19:00.002-04:00

I have another blog that I use to voice my political & social views. I think I need another (this one) to share my personal stories - I guess we'll see how much I 'need' it by how much I use it. :-)

I am happy. Not in a giddy, always smiling, outgoing kind of way, but rather in a quiet, deep, persistent kind of way. I love my life. I am married to an incredible woman, we have jobs that allow us to see a lot of each other, and we're going to have a baby in September. I could be happy with much less, and I have so much more.

Sure, work can be stressful, we always have several unfinished projects, there are a few more bills than we would like, and we sometimes have to deal with difficult people - but that's just life. That doesn't affect the kind of happiness I have.

My wife, Rebecca, and I